A guy meets a girl. They fall in love. He proposes to her. They get married. They have kids. They live happily ever after; no questions asked. I hate to be the barer of bad news but that's never gonna happen. Here is a real life scenario:
You're single.
People will constantly ask you when you're going to meet someone. (Like you freaking know or something. Perhaps you enjoy being single or wish you could find someone).
You meet someone.
People will constantly ask when you're going to get engaged (even if you've only been dating that person for a few months).
You get engaged.
People may say "Congratulations" yet their very next question will be when is the wedding?
You get married.
People will ask when you're having a baby. (Even though the ink is still wet on all those checks you wrote for your big day).
You have a baby.
People will ask when you are having another baby. (Although you may not hear that one because
a) you are so sleep deprived, you barely catch a word anyone says these days
b) you have sweet potato in your ear from your baby's lunch session
c) you went to laugh and realized you peed yourself...again).
Oh and ps, it doesn't necessarily have to happen in that particular order but just a warning...if you decide to have a baby before you get married....the wedding questions will come at you 20 times more often in every which way.
I know people are just curious, concerned or interested in our lives, but my perspective has greatly changed on asking questions. Especially regarding the baby situation.
If you've read some of my blogs you know that my husband and I did IVF to conceive my daughter, Harlow. It's not a club I ever imagined or wanted to be a part of; but I'm so lucky that it was an option for us, that we were financially able to go through the process and of course that the first round worked! I've never been ashamed or hidden the fact that We got pregnant using in vitro fertilization; as so many couples have to. It's like when people get plastic surgery and won't own up to it. You could do it. You did it. Now accept it and admit it.
I wasn't always so open or honest about my fertility issues. Like many, I went through multiple stages of emotions and vulnerability. Denial, anger, depression, jealousy, hopelessness and the list could go on and on. I chose not to share my struggles with many people as I wanted to stay positive and for a few moments, not stress over it. I withdrew myself a little from my friends and social life as it got harder and harder to be around people and act lively, see them pregnant, etc. Due to this, lots of people didn't know my husband and I were even trying to have a baby. This can be a blessing or a curse.
I can so vividly remember when my family and I were sitting around on a Thanksgiving visit and my sister in law announced that she was expecting. We had been trying with medicine and testing for over two years and although it was the wrong reaction...I wanted to die. That's when a somewhat intoxicated person looked at me and said, "Well, you better hurry up and get on it Julie." I lost it and began uncontrollably bawling right there at the table. That statement killed me completely. She had no idea we were struggling but it didn't make it hurt any less. And so many times before and after that day, people constantly asked and probed us as to when we would start having kids.
I'm not making this a pity story about me. Just a nice PSA to everyone out there that asks. I know you just care and are eager for your friend or relative to start a family, but maybe they don't know if they ever want kids. Maybe they can't agree on the children decision. Maybe they aren't financially capable of having a baby right now. Maybe they have conceived and have lost one or more babies. Maybe they have been on a long waiting list to adopt. Or maybe, just maybe all they want is to get pregnant but are either struggling or are unable to. Please be gentle with your questions as every time you ask someone a question regarding their love life, marriage, or future children...you are simply reminding them of what they don't have.
I usually try to add humor to my posts but this one is near and dear to me.
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