T.G.I.V.F.

Thank Goodness for Invitro-Fertilization

The other day I was in an elevator with a brand new mother and her week old baby boy.  I believe they were on their way to the official  1st week check up at the pediatrician.  I gazed into her stroller, at that precious new life and said, " isn't it just the greatest thing ever?!"  I was a bit shocked when her very quick and snappy response was, "no, you know what was great? Sleeping."   

Maybe my husband and I lived in la la land during Harlow's first week of life, but I strongly remember my reaction being way different than this poor gal. Perhaps it is because we waited so long to have my daughter. Or maybe it was because she was somewhat scientifically made with the amazing process of IVF.  It could be because we ran on happy fumes for months at the realization that we had a baby and she was healthy and real and ours.  Whatever the reason was...I must say on this Friday morning, TGI(V)F.  

I can clearly remember the years of my husband and I struggling to conceive our precious baby. It's strange how you spend a large portion of your life praying for your period to come and then spend the next section praying it doesn't.  That little pregnancy stick holds all the meaning and plans for your future and after a very long 3 minutes...it's all over. Add to my previous list:  perhaps we were over the moon those first few weeks because for too long the tests told us no and then ONE day it said something different. 

Regardless, this isn't a post about poor me and my infertility. It's about IVF and how it changed my life forever. 

Sometimes I wonder if we had of gotten pregnant easier; if we had one of those "let's start trying tomorrow And then two weeks later volia...I was pregnant" moments, maybe I would take all those things in the beginning for granted.  But we didn't and I didn't. Even when I had my face in my hands, crying for the zillionth time because it still wasn't my turn to be a mom, I knew one day I would get that chance.  

Every moment means a little more to me because there was always that chance that I would never get to experience it. Harlow has gas...it okay because I'm over the moon to give her gas drops and hold her.  Harlow is throwing a fit in Kroger...it's fine because at least I have a baby in my cart.  Sounds cliche and maybe a bit cheesy, but now that she is here, I am so thankful that we had to endure IVF to get our perfectly precious little girl. 

Don't get me wrong.  Sleep is amazing, but so is Harlow.  Now don't judge me if I look frazzled next time you see me 

25 Things You Should Know About Me

25. I always take my shopping cart back to the Shopping Cart Holder in the parking lot...even if it is raining.

24. If you want to see the look of disappointment on my face, be with me when I realize that the list of songs at a Karaoke bar DOES NOT include Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares To You."

23. I USED to walk down to my local magazine stand every Thursday and buy ALL FIVE gossip magazines and read them in the same exact order EVERY week...US, OK, In Touch, Life & Style, and then People...then I married Blake and he "talked me into" only buying US...hmmm

22. Blake, FRANK, and I have all shared a McFlurry before...with the same spoon.  We are morbid, I know. (Oh and Blake and I shared one toothbrush up until about a month ago)

21. I live right off Greenville Avenue and have realized that drunk patrons like to pee in my yard...Blake is installing a motion light and I want to have my voice recorded saying something tough.

20. I love country music and have always found the sad, slow ones to be the best. When I am depressed, I can cry to them and when I am happy, I can be thankful that they don't make me cry.

19. My younger sister and I can do the ugliest face you have ever seen.

18. Evanescence's song "My Immortal" is still the most heartbreaking song I have ever heard.

17. I love giving cards to people, on holidays and for no reason at all....think it makes them feel special.

16. I had morning breath and the "I just woke up but I swear my hair looked great last night" coif when Blake propsed to me.

15. I am absolutely terrified of needles, yet I have had my lips injected and have had botox before.

14. I think there should be a section on a marriage license where both parties must vow to NOT let themselves' go. Why do people stay in such great shape while looking for a spouse, but as soon as they get married, they give up on that?!

13. I honestly enjoy playing the guessing game of how much my grocery bill will be....if Blake or a friend is not present, I encourage the checker to join in on the fun.

12. When I was like 15 years old, I used to wear thick eyeliner under my eyes and none on the top. One day my dad told me he thought I looked prettier with just eyeliner on the top of my eyes and not on the bottom...and I swear to this day...that is how I do my eye make-up.

11.  I don't think I'm a superstitous person, but I ALWAYS knock on wood after I say something that might jinx me.

10. I was deeply hurt that Rice Krispy discontinued the Rice Krispy Treat cereal and found it necessary to talk about it every time I was in the cereal isle; HOWEVER...Walmart still carries it and so I am content again.

9. I used to have a shopping problem but have reduced it to a browsing problem.

8. I always wear silly socks, as I think white ones are so boring.

7. I have only seen my mother cry once in my life and it was the worst thing to witness.

6. At my wedding, I danced with my dad to Dolly Parton's "I will always love you" and sang every word to him.

5. I have this weird weapon thing on my keychain that Blake gave me that is supposed to be used as a knife or something to stab someone with, need be, but I think it looks sexual and gross.

4. Every morning Blake wakes me up with coffee and sings, "The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup."

3. I love babies and cannot wait to have my own, but desperately want that "Twilight Sleep" women used to get in the old days, where you are completely out when you have your baby....I am not a fan of 
pain.

2. I had to wear a head gear at night for a while, when I had braces....oh yeah, and my sisters and I find it hiliarious to hang it on our Christmas tree at my parents' house, as an ornament. Mom put the kabosh on that tradition a few years ago.

1. Trisha and I attended numerous N'SYNC and Backstreet Boys concerts.

Suck It June Cleaver

So today I failed as the perfect mom. I have had such a clean track record until now; changing diapers before her bottom actually got wet, giving her the exact amount of time to attempt to self soothe, dressing her in all the latest fashions and all the while trying to squeeze my newly widen hips into jeans that aren't a size that makes me want to die. But today I failed. Today my 7 month old baby fell off my quasi higher than normal bed. 

I know she cried way less than I did, as after I calmed her down...I needed to go in the corner and have a bottle of something. I should start by saying that my husband and I tried to get pregnant for about 3 years. After giving it the old college try for a year or so, we went to a fertility doctor and finally decided to do IVF. I had THREE years to perfect my mothering style and skills. I had pictured and planned my child's whole life and how amazing it would be...way before we actually conceived. I started a "hope chest" and purchased adorable miniature sized clothes and accessories. I imagined making my infant homemade baby food and having the appropriate amount of strictness and fun time. 

Who am I kidding?! My nanny makes My daughter homemade healthy food while I lower my hat so no one can see the woman who wanted a baby for years, buying pre packaged gerber food. In my defense, I buy the organic kind...most of the time. I breastfed for a shorter amount of time than I hoped. But hell, I did it and I am proud of that. And I quickly changed her formula from brand name to generic to save a few bucks ( after comparing them and realizing they both have the exact same ingredients). 

My daughter always looks like she could be on the cover of baby vogue and I take so much pride when people compliment me on Harlow. But today I left her in the center of my king size bed while I changed into my workout clothes (remember those newly equipped hips?) and heard her fall. I died inside as I thought of what I had done. She cried for about 3 minutes, which felt like an eternity and way after she had totally forgotten it happened, I still can't let myself off the hook. 

But you know what? I need to. I'm doing a damn good job and no amount of baby book reading can teach you how to be a perfect mom. She doesn't exist. I'm the perfect mom for my daughter and that's enough for us. So I don't make her food...she still gets a nutritious meal, three times a day. So I don't buy similac anymore, the Walmart brand is just as good. So she had a total meltdown at Central Market and people weren't complimenting me for two seconds. So I have unknowingly let her have an explosive diaper coming out her back for an entire tv time slot. Overall, I'm doing a good job and Harlow is healthy and happy. So today I will forgive myself for letting her fall off the bed and know that I can always start fresh tomorrow and take a stab at doing it all perfectly. Suck it June Cleaver