Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Do Yourself A Solid And Don't Ask

Here's a little fairy tale for you....
A guy meets a girl. They fall in love. He proposes to her. They get married. They have kids.  They live happily ever after; no questions asked. I hate to be the barer of bad news but that's never gonna happen. Here is a real life scenario:

You're single. 
People will constantly ask you when you're going to meet someone.  (Like you freaking know or something. Perhaps you enjoy being single or wish you could find someone).

You meet someone. 
People will constantly ask when you're going to get engaged  (even if you've only been dating that person for a few months).

You get engaged.
People may say "Congratulations" yet their very next question will be when is the wedding?

You get married. 
People will ask when you're having a baby.  (Even though the ink is still wet on all those checks you wrote for your big day).

You have a baby.
People will ask when you are having another baby.  (Although you may not hear that one because 
a) you are so sleep deprived, you barely catch a word anyone says these days 
b) you have sweet potato in your ear from your baby's lunch session
c) you went to laugh and realized you peed yourself...again).

Oh and ps, it doesn't necessarily have to happen in that particular order but just a warning...if you decide to have a baby before you get married....the wedding questions will come at you 20 times more often in every which way. 

I know people are just curious, concerned or interested in our lives, but my perspective has greatly changed on asking questions. Especially regarding the baby situation. 

If you've read some of my blogs you know that my husband and I did IVF to conceive my daughter, Harlow. It's not a club I ever imagined or wanted to be a part of; but I'm so lucky that it was an option for us, that we were financially able to go through the process and of course that the first round worked!  I've never been ashamed or hidden the fact that We got pregnant using in vitro fertilization; as so many couples have to. It's like when people get plastic surgery and won't own up to it.  You could do it. You did it. Now accept it and admit it. 

I wasn't always so open or honest about my fertility issues. Like many, I went through multiple stages of emotions and vulnerability.  Denial, anger, depression, jealousy, hopelessness and the list could go on and on. I chose not to share my struggles with many people as I wanted to stay positive and for a few moments, not stress over it. I withdrew myself a little from my friends and social life as it got harder and harder to be around people and act lively, see them pregnant, etc.    Due to this, lots of people didn't know my husband and I were even trying to have a baby. This can be a blessing or a curse. 
I can so vividly remember when my family and I were sitting around on a Thanksgiving visit and my sister in law announced that she was expecting. We had been trying with medicine and testing for over two years and although it was the wrong reaction...I wanted to die. That's when a somewhat intoxicated person looked at me and said, "Well, you better hurry up and get on it Julie."  I lost it and began uncontrollably bawling right there at the table. That statement killed me completely. She had no idea we were struggling but it didn't make it hurt any less.  And so many times before and after that day, people constantly asked and probed us as to when we would start having kids. 

I'm not making this a pity story about me. Just a nice PSA to everyone out there that asks. I know you just care and are eager for your friend or relative to start a family, but maybe they don't know if they ever want kids. Maybe they can't agree on the children decision. Maybe they aren't financially capable of having a baby right now. Maybe they have conceived and have lost one or more babies. Maybe  they have been on a long waiting list to adopt. Or maybe, just maybe all they want is to get pregnant but are either struggling or are unable to.  Please be gentle with your questions as every time you ask someone a question regarding their love life, marriage, or future children...you are simply reminding them of what they don't have. 
I usually try to add humor to my posts but this one is near and dear to me. 

Friday, November 15, 2013

It's Official...

I've become my mother.  In the best sense of the word, but it is shocking how many things change once that precious little bundle of joy enters your world. 
1.  It is impossible to spontaneously do ANYTHING anymore. Remember how you used to be like, "oh we are out of milk" and would just grab your keys and run to the store?  Not happening anymore. First of all, you will only go to the store when you are in dire need of something (diapers, baby Tylenol, vodka...I sort of kid on that last one).   Or when you have a list that is so damn long it's obvious how long it's been since you last went to the store. You are even out of condiments. When that time comes when there is literally nothing left to eat in your house...you'll go to the supermarket. It will take you about 15-45 minutes to pack up everything you may need "just in case" the baby has a meltdown, gets hungry, or decides now is the optimal time to have an explosive diaper.  Once that's all ready, you will get to play the game of  "I know you hate going in the car seat but please, please just this once let me buckle you in without arching your back etc.".  Once that battle is won, you pack up the car and head to Kroger. Half of the time you will forget that huge list and won't even consider going back for it.  So then you get the privilege of playing the guessing game of what you truly need to buy.  This entails going down every aisle, while pulling random colorful objects off the shelves to entertain the baby. Hopefully your baby is big enough to sit in the baby seat of the shopping cart because if you have to bring in that whole car seat...you can physically only fit like five things in that cart. You end up leaving out essential items or slowly piling stuff up around your baby until you're sure the lady in aisle 5 is calling child protective services on you. Once you finally check out, the teenage bagger will load all your groceries into a completely separate cart, which makes putting an infant car seat into it impossible.  Then you and said teenager will struggle to load all those damn bags into the cart without smothering your child.  When you arrive home, 1-4 hours later...once you debate which gets unloaded first...the milk, ice cream or the baby...you will then and only then realize all the items you forgot to get.  But there is no way in hell you're attempting that whole thing again. So you'll eat dry cereal for a week until you muster up the courage to face the store again or the always safer, faster and far less painful option...let daddy watch the baby while you take a mini vacation at Kroger. 


Friday, November 8, 2013

Slumber Party

I'm certain many parents (especially the moms) will cringe at all that I confess today...so if you are one of those super safety, Type A, follow the books word by word....then you may want to click off of here now. (I don't want messages reading me passages from Baby books, telling me how I'm doing it all wrong).  

One of the #1 rules in most parenting books will tell you to not bring your baby into bed with you. Guess what?  We do.  Not every night and we truly aren't trying to make a super dependent child, but we like it.  She can cuddle with us and feel safe and usually falls to sleep pretty fast.  Want to know another reason we sometimes invite our daughter into our bed?  Because it's super convenient for her father and I.  She cries;  we can lean over, find the miracle worker (also know as a pacifier) and put it right back in her mouth.  I wouldn't label myself as a lazy person, but while Harlow is teething and up at all hours of the night and way early morning...I thoroughly enjoy this quick fix.   We won't continue to have her in bed with us. I mean, we aren't going to be those creeps that have a 15 year old still snuggling up with us...but sometimes I say screw those baby books. Most are one sided and in all fairness, kids (and parents) are ALL different.  The way I do things may not please you and trust me, the way you dress your child doesn't please me.  ( I kid, sort of).  I don't have to read an author's perspective on things to know what is right or best for my family. It's all a bit of trial and error.  Hopefully not too many errors (please don't read my post titles "suck it June cleaver."  
My daughter's safety and well being are always our top priority but I think society is over paranoid and tends to reach for others' rules and guidiance on how to parent.  I don't need a book to tell me how to nurture, love, or discipline my child. Isn't it our job as parents to decide what's the right action for our offspring?  How does author Judy know what's best for Harlow?  She's never even met her. 
Please don't think I'm being rude or judge mental. I've seen parents who I'm certain or doing a better job than I in some areas. But it's my house, my child and our life to figure it out.  Now go raise your baby the way you feel is best and let me get off this computer but I roll over onto my baby.  I'm teasing.