I know she cried way less than I did, as after I calmed her down...I needed to go in the corner and have a bottle of something. I should start by saying that my husband and I tried to get pregnant for about 3 years. After giving it the old college try for a year or so, we went to a fertility doctor and finally decided to do IVF. I had THREE years to perfect my mothering style and skills. I had pictured and planned my child's whole life and how amazing it would be...way before we actually conceived. I started a "hope chest" and purchased adorable miniature sized clothes and accessories. I imagined making my infant homemade baby food and having the appropriate amount of strictness and fun time.
Who am I kidding?! My nanny makes My daughter homemade healthy food while I lower my hat so no one can see the woman who wanted a baby for years, buying pre packaged gerber food. In my defense, I buy the organic kind...most of the time. I breastfed for a shorter amount of time than I hoped. But hell, I did it and I am proud of that. And I quickly changed her formula from brand name to generic to save a few bucks ( after comparing them and realizing they both have the exact same ingredients).
My daughter always looks like she could be on the cover of baby vogue and I take so much pride when people compliment me on Harlow. But today I left her in the center of my king size bed while I changed into my workout clothes (remember those newly equipped hips?) and heard her fall. I died inside as I thought of what I had done. She cried for about 3 minutes, which felt like an eternity and way after she had totally forgotten it happened, I still can't let myself off the hook.
But you know what? I need to. I'm doing a damn good job and no amount of baby book reading can teach you how to be a perfect mom. She doesn't exist. I'm the perfect mom for my daughter and that's enough for us. So I don't make her food...she still gets a nutritious meal, three times a day. So I don't buy similac anymore, the Walmart brand is just as good. So she had a total meltdown at Central Market and people weren't complimenting me for two seconds. So I have unknowingly let her have an explosive diaper coming out her back for an entire tv time slot. Overall, I'm doing a good job and Harlow is healthy and happy. So today I will forgive myself for letting her fall off the bed and know that I can always start fresh tomorrow and take a stab at doing it all perfectly. Suck it June Cleaver
I love how real you are about all of this! Definitely a good read...
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Your honesty is refreshing.
ReplyDeleteThis is great! :)
ReplyDelete