Friday, October 11, 2013

For better or worse. In sickness and in health (unless the baby needs me)

This one is to all the baby daddies out there. Husbands, boyfriends, donors, I had one too many and can't remember his name and oops I'm pregnant.... All those guys. Hear me out, I know that some of you may have been put on the back burner while your lady was pregnant but I'm here to tell you...it gets worse. Ha. I wish I was kidding. 
You had all that time with just your woman. Date nights, cooked meals, spontaneous afternoon delights and overall, our full and undivided attention. And then that precious baby came along. 
I've read enough pregnancy and baby books to know the man getting the backseat is quite normal and although it seems (and really is) the short end of the stick...bare with us.  Lots of things change once the baby arrives. Numero UNO. Our bodies are way jacked up. I don't even have to use the phrase imagine squeezing something the size of a watermelon out something the size if lemon. But for real. Imagine that.  Yep, so I'm not a warrior and chose the ever amazing epidural option and so perhaps I didn't technically feel that whole watermelon and lemon analogy but ya know what I did feel?! EVERYTHING once that epidural wore off. I now had this flapjack stomach, a very sore ass and other lower regions and a precious newborn who wanted to eat off of me. 
I won't even get into the nipple tenderness or the fact that I never knew something on my boobs could be so painful...in the beginning. It did get better and I loved nursing Harlow. 
Then we go in for that 6 week post check up and hopefully get the ok to start having sex again. Only while your woman is terrified, you (or maybe just my husband) are whistling throughout the house while lighting candles and pushing play on the Sade cd.  Come on, you know she makes good rompin' music. 
After your lady decides to stop breastfeeding there is that ever awkward stage of when will it ever not be completely creepy for her to think her boobs; your baby's food source for however long, are now somehow your play toys again. Please understand how weird it is to make that transition. And life happens and babies need tons of attention...but so do you guys.   I am not some sexual beast who think about sex 24/7 (that's the man's job) but I can't help but feel sad at how neglected these fellas get. Ladies: I'm as guilty as you are. When I finally get a chance to sit down and relax, I obviously need to check my Facebook page, my Instagram page, perezhilton.com etc. you get my point. I'm super busy. Ha. But I noticed that beating level 2,347 in candy crush had taken the place of My man and I talking and cuddling and being together.  It's so easy to fall into this cycle. It happens to us all. But I think Heidi Klum and Seal had it right by saying  they came first in each others' lives and then the kiddos. They knew that loving each other was the best way to raise babies. Now please don't take the fact that Heidi and Seal split change your mind.  Ha ha.  Go hug your man. Kiss on him and for goodness sake...give it up every once in a while. 😜