Suck It June Cleaver

So today I failed as the perfect mom. I have had such a clean track record until now; changing diapers before her bottom actually got wet, giving her the exact amount of time to attempt to self soothe, dressing her in all the latest fashions and all the while trying to squeeze my newly widen hips into jeans that aren't a size that makes me want to die. But today I failed. Today my 7 month old baby fell off my quasi higher than normal bed. 

I know she cried way less than I did, as after I calmed her down...I needed to go in the corner and have a bottle of something. I should start by saying that my husband and I tried to get pregnant for about 3 years. After giving it the old college try for a year or so, we went to a fertility doctor and finally decided to do IVF. I had THREE years to perfect my mothering style and skills. I had pictured and planned my child's whole life and how amazing it would be...way before we actually conceived. I started a "hope chest" and purchased adorable miniature sized clothes and accessories. I imagined making my infant homemade baby food and having the appropriate amount of strictness and fun time. 

Who am I kidding?! My nanny makes My daughter homemade healthy food while I lower my hat so no one can see the woman who wanted a baby for years, buying pre packaged gerber food. In my defense, I buy the organic kind...most of the time. I breastfed for a shorter amount of time than I hoped. But hell, I did it and I am proud of that. And I quickly changed her formula from brand name to generic to save a few bucks ( after comparing them and realizing they both have the exact same ingredients). 

My daughter always looks like she could be on the cover of baby vogue and I take so much pride when people compliment me on Harlow. But today I left her in the center of my king size bed while I changed into my workout clothes (remember those newly equipped hips?) and heard her fall. I died inside as I thought of what I had done. She cried for about 3 minutes, which felt like an eternity and way after she had totally forgotten it happened, I still can't let myself off the hook. 

But you know what? I need to. I'm doing a damn good job and no amount of baby book reading can teach you how to be a perfect mom. She doesn't exist. I'm the perfect mom for my daughter and that's enough for us. So I don't make her food...she still gets a nutritious meal, three times a day. So I don't buy similac anymore, the Walmart brand is just as good. So she had a total meltdown at Central Market and people weren't complimenting me for two seconds. So I have unknowingly let her have an explosive diaper coming out her back for an entire tv time slot. Overall, I'm doing a good job and Harlow is healthy and happy. So today I will forgive myself for letting her fall off the bed and know that I can always start fresh tomorrow and take a stab at doing it all perfectly. Suck it June Cleaver