I will try and fix you

Loss is experienced in so many different ways.  No experience is like another and no two people feel the same.   Many friends of mine have experienced the loss of babies.  I simply cannot imagine.  I still have heart wrenching flashbacks and thoughts of what could have been, but those are all they are.  Flashbacks and thoughts. They aren't my reality or daily struggle.   I believe I am a very sympathetic and empathetic person. I always try to put myself in others' shoes and help find a common ground.  I know this is going to sound so awful and selfish, but the loss of a child is just not something I can allow my mind to imagine. In dealing with my friends and their children passing, I automatically get this gut wrenching feeling and have major anxiety.  I know that most people share in those feelings, but mine still stem for the events of a year ago.  I still cannot hear certain songs without bawling like a baby. I feel so helpless in my attempts to comfort those who have experienced something that I was fortunate enough to dodge. I would never compare my journey to those who have lost a child, but I still know the agony and pure terror of believing you are watching your baby slip away. My heart breaks for anyone who has to continue on without their precious little one, as I know the dark moments I had, when I was told that would most likely be my outcome.   I pray for peace in their hearts.  I hope for brighter days, where they can smile and put one foot in front of the other.  I send love and energy as they begin this dreadful journey.  I hold my Harlow even tighter when things like this happen.   I have this sense of guilt as I sometimes feel like because so many of my own prayers were used and answered, that perhaps they no longer work for others.  I know that sounds silly, but I still say them and hope they are heard.  It's easy to get lost in the shuffle of day to day chaos and forget how quickly life can change and how suddenly people can be taken away.  

Sorry for this super depressing entry,  just have lots on my mind and needed to get it out.